"Sometimes I listen to a survivor client's narrative and it's so clear to me that I'm not just
hearing a story about surviving a toxic relationship - I'm hearing a story about surviving
surviving crimes such as harassment, fraud, physical assault, sexual assault, and
psychological terrorism. They are surviving crimes that would be acknowledged and
validated as crimes by their peers and by the courts had the perpetrator been a stranger.
But because the perpetrator is someone the survivor loved, the crimes committed are
minimized. dismissed, and invalidated by peers and by the courts. Whoever decided that "all's fair in love and war" didn't anticipate how much damage would follow. Or maybe they did - maybe they were just covering their own perpetrating ass."
It is not a relationship. It is a premeditated crime. It is terrorism in the home.
Violence in the home is a subset of coercive control including sexual abuse.
It is violence in the home. Not “domestic violence” . The framing of said violence as “domestic violence” is antiquated, patriarchal and misogynistic. Designed to make it be seen as if it is “domesticated” violence, therefore a “family offense”. When in fact, there is nothing domesticated about violence, it is feral.
Calling violence against an intimate partner, “domestic”, gives it purpose, permission and justification, in a judicial system rooted in patriarchy. When in fact, there is NO purpose, there is no permission, and no justification for violence ANYWHERE.
Edgar Schein (1961) Coercive Persuasion: To produce ideological and behavioral changes in a fully conscious, mentally intact individual.
The Ten Hidden Dangers of the Family Courts for Victims of Coercive Control
✓ Vigilance over the partner's whereabouts
✓ Emotional manipulation
✓ Dropping by unexpectedly to check upon the partner
✓ Calling to make sure the partner is where they said they would be
✓ Monopolization of the partner's time
✓ Threatening retaliation for infidelity